Lack of Motivation

I've fallen into a funk. Ever since I accomplished my goal of completing a half-marathon, I've loss the motivation to run. At first I thought I just wanted to take a rest from running to let my body recover from the half, but it's been 4 weeks, and I still have no motivation to start running again. I think that if I just get out the door in my work out gear and start running then I'll be fine, but the problem is finding the motivation to actually put on the running shoes, shorts, and t-shirt in the first place. Perhaps I need to create another goal to get myself running again. Maybe a marathon?

Being Special

I just want to be special. I want to do something special. Be more than who I am now. Do more than what I'm doing now. All my life I've never been special. Everything I've done, someone else in my life has done and done better. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others because it will do nothing but destroy me slowly inside, but what does it matter when every little piece of pride and joy inside my heart has already been chipped away throughout my entire life? Nothing I've done has ever been acknowledged by those who matter in my life, my family and friends, because their attention has always been focused on someone better than me. So then, is it too much to want to do something special for once in my life? To do something that I know no one has done before. To be successful doing something that I love. I'm unhappy with how my life will turn out if I continue on this path that I'm taking and do nothing, take no action to do something more, but I don't know what I have to do. I just want to be special.

Half Marathon and Weight Loss

So one of my goals for this year is to run a half marathon. Not just finish one, but actually run it the entire way.

I used to run more often a while back, but ever since I came back from vacation this past summer, I stopped running as much. Actually, I stopped running entirely. Especially when I started pharmacy school this past fall, I became so busy with school that I didn't have time for much physical activity... or much else for that matter. Anyway, I'm sure anyone can guess what happens when someone comes back from a vacation that consisted of a LOT of good food... and no exercise afterward. Okay, maybe this isn't the case for everyone (damn you, people who can eat anything with no consequences!!! jk :p), but for ME, I gained weight. Quite a bit of weight. Now I'm not overweight or anything, but the weight I'm at is not the ideal weight for someone my size. I'm 5 feet so I'm pretty short, and when someone tries to guess my weight and thinks that I'm under 100 lbs, I can only shake my head, laugh, and think, Oh dear, if only you knew.

So like I said, I'm not overweight, but I'm not happy with my weight either because I might not look heavy or big, but I can tell that I'm not at a healthy place because I have a tire around my tummy. I know, how attractive, right? I've never ever in my entire life had a flat tummy before, and when i gain weight, it's mostly in my midsection. Besides making me self conscious and unable to wear nice fitted shirts, it's also a health concern because women who tend to collect fat in their midsection (aka "apple" shaped) are more at risk for heart disease. 

Anyway, so yes, I am trying to lose weight for, I'll admit it, vanity reasons, but more importantly health reasons. To do so, I decided to run more often, but I sometimes have a problem with getting my lazy ass to actually run so what a better way to motivate myself than to enroll in a half marathon training class offered at my school. And then in case that wasn't enough motivation or in case i needed motivation to actually go to class, i registered for a half marathon. It was kinda on a whim, but oh well. 

The event in on April 10th and so far, my training is going well. This is week 3 of the term, and so far I've gone to every single class. Sometimes (actually most all of the time) it was hard to wake up from a nap, drag myself out of my warm, cozy bed, put on some running clothes, and dive into the cold (and sometimes rainy or icy) weather wondering what the hell did I get myself into, but hey, I've done it every time so far. I've even ran a few times outside of class. I think I deserve a small pat on the back *pat pat*

So, I'll try to update about my half marathon training and weight loss mission often. Hopefully it'll inspire someone to run a half marathon or start working out to lose weight and be healthier. Oh, one more thing, I've started tracking my food intake and exercise on livestrong.com and strands.com. They're pretty cool so if anyone is interested in tracking what they're eating or how much they're working out, you should definitely check out these sites. They're free to register. How awesome is that???

Anyway, I hope you have a great weekend!
Until next time, Kathy